EXT. - FIELD - DAY
A long shot showing a number of blimps in the sky. As an announcer, BOB PARKER, speaks, corporate logos appear on the screen illustrating his words.
BOB (V.O.): Welcome to ESPN 12's coverage of the International Blimp Racing Finals! Brought to you by New England Tacos: "The Tacos from New England." And by other sponsors.
We cut to a desk sitting in the middle of the field. The blimps continue to fly by in the sky above, and a number of spectators watch from the background. At the desk are Bob and a tweedy-looking man with glasses, MYRON JACOBS.
BOB: (to camera) I'm Bob Parker, and I'd like to welcome you to unincorporated New Hampshire, where the World Cup of blimp racing has just gotten underway. And I'm very pleased to have with me today one of the world's foremost experts on blimp racing, Dr. Myron Jacobs.
Myron acknowledges the camera.
BOB: (to Myron) Dr. Jacobs, what can you tell our viewers about this race?
MYRON: Well, Bob, the pilots of each blimp will attempt to make their blimp go faster than the other blimps in the race. The blimp that reaches the finish line first will be the winner.
BOB: The race has just gotten underway--Dr. Jacobs, what are your thoughts so far?
MYRON: (pointing) Well, from this angle, that green blimp there seems to be ahead of the other blimps. So right now, I would say that that blimp is winning the race. Now, if another blimp were to pass up that green blimp, then that blimp would be winning.
BOB: Uh-huh. The green blimp. Um, why don't you tell us a little about the pilots of that blimp?
MYRON: Bob, the pilots are inside the blimp, operating its controls in some fashion.
BOB: I see. Uh, what are the names of those pilots?
MYRON: I'm afraid I don't have that information about that particular blimp, Bob.
BOB: Um, can you tell us the names of any of the other pilots in the race?
MYRON: Well, there's probably someone named "John" or "Michael" up there. (pause) Those are very common names.
BOB: Right. (pause) How long do these races usually last, Dr. Jacobs?
MYRON: Uh, they last for, um, some time. Until one of the blimps passes the finish line. Then the race would be over. Of course, then the other blimps would still have to pass the finish line. So if you don't consider the race to be over until all the blimps have passed the finish line, then the race would last some amount of time longer than if you thought about it the other way. (pause) It's up for debate, really.
BOB: That long, huh? (chuckling) I wonder what they do if they have to go to the bathroom up there, huh?
MYRON: Well, I would suppose they would urinate in their pants, Bob. That's generally what you do when you really have to urinate and you don't have access to a toilet. (pause) Actually, they might have a toilet up there in the blimp with them. I don't really know. If they did have a toilet, they would probably urinate in that. You know, rather than in their pants.
BOB: Uh-huh. Have you, uh, ever actually ridden in a blimp, Dr. Jacobs?
MYRON: No, Bob, the idea never really occurred to me.
Long pause.
BOB: Uh, here's something that our viewers might be wondering about, Dr. Jacobs: what exactly is the difference between a blimp, a dirigible and a zeppelin?
MYRON: Well, you see, a blimp is a type of airship. And a dirigible and a zeppelin, those are types of airships as well. (pause) They have different names. And possibly other differences as well.
Long pause.
BOB: The, uh, the Hindenburg, that was a zeppelin, right?
MYRON: I'm not familiar with what you're referring to.
BOB: The Hindenburg--it was a, uh, zeppelin. It crashed back in the 1930s. It's very famous.
MYRON: Was it in a race?
BOB: Uh, no, I don't believe so, no.
MYRON: Well, then I wouldn't know it. You see, I'm just an expert on blimp racing. Not on, you know, blimps in general.
BOB: Oh.
A long pause. Bob drums his fingers on the desk.
BOB: Yep. Zeppelin... (pause) Led Zeppelin, they're a good band. You like Led Zeppelin?
MYRON: I'm, uh, not familiar with them.
BOB: They were a very popular band in the '70s.
MYRON: I, uh, I don't believe so, no.
BOB: They had, uh, they had a lot of big hits. Like, uh, "Stairway to Heaven" and, uh...well, what kind of music do you listen to?
MYRON: I don't listen to music. I find that it distracts me from blimp racing.
BOB: Ah.
MYRON: I don't think you could make a zeppelin out of lead, anyway. Because lead's so heavy. I, uh, I don't think it could fly. (pause) I mean, I don't know, but that's what I think.
BOB: So what do they make these blimps out of, anyway?
MYRON: It's a, uh, material of some sort. Probably not lead. Like I said, I think lead would make it too heavy to fly. (pause) Maybe not, though.
BOB: Do the racers use different types of materials, to make their blimps go faster?
MYRON: Uh, quite possibly, yes.
Bob holds his hand up to his earpiece.
BOB: I'm getting word in now--that the race is over! Actually, it...seems to have ended some time ago. Dr. Jacobs, what can you tell us about the winner?
MYRON: Well, the winner would be the blimp that crossed the finish line before the other blimps. I think I explained this already.
BOB: Right. Uh, can you tell us which particular blimp that was?
MYRON: Well, it would be one of the blimps in the race, Bob. (pointing) We can see a number of blimps right now; if we can see it, then it's one of those. Now, if we can't see it, then it's not one of those. It's probably one of the ones we can see, though.
BOB: Well, congratulations to the pilots of that blimp on their victory.
MYRON: Yes, I'm sure they're very proud. It's quite an accomplishment in their field. The field of blimp racing. (pause) It might not be that big of an accomplishment, though. I don't really know.
BOB: What would you say was those pilots' winning strategy?
MYRON: Bob, those pilots won the race by managing to make their blimp go faster than the other blimps in the race.
BOB: Okay. (to camera) That concludes our blimp racing coverage for the day. But stay tuned to ESPN 12 for our coverage of the synchronized ice dancing championships, featuring noted ice dancing expert Dr. Myron Jacobs. For all of us here at ESPN 12, I'm Bob Parker. So long.
FADE TO BLACK.
A long shot showing a number of blimps in the sky. As an announcer, BOB PARKER, speaks, corporate logos appear on the screen illustrating his words.
BOB (V.O.): Welcome to ESPN 12's coverage of the International Blimp Racing Finals! Brought to you by New England Tacos: "The Tacos from New England." And by other sponsors.
We cut to a desk sitting in the middle of the field. The blimps continue to fly by in the sky above, and a number of spectators watch from the background. At the desk are Bob and a tweedy-looking man with glasses, MYRON JACOBS.
BOB: (to camera) I'm Bob Parker, and I'd like to welcome you to unincorporated New Hampshire, where the World Cup of blimp racing has just gotten underway. And I'm very pleased to have with me today one of the world's foremost experts on blimp racing, Dr. Myron Jacobs.
Myron acknowledges the camera.
BOB: (to Myron) Dr. Jacobs, what can you tell our viewers about this race?
MYRON: Well, Bob, the pilots of each blimp will attempt to make their blimp go faster than the other blimps in the race. The blimp that reaches the finish line first will be the winner.
BOB: The race has just gotten underway--Dr. Jacobs, what are your thoughts so far?
MYRON: (pointing) Well, from this angle, that green blimp there seems to be ahead of the other blimps. So right now, I would say that that blimp is winning the race. Now, if another blimp were to pass up that green blimp, then that blimp would be winning.
BOB: Uh-huh. The green blimp. Um, why don't you tell us a little about the pilots of that blimp?
MYRON: Bob, the pilots are inside the blimp, operating its controls in some fashion.
BOB: I see. Uh, what are the names of those pilots?
MYRON: I'm afraid I don't have that information about that particular blimp, Bob.
BOB: Um, can you tell us the names of any of the other pilots in the race?
MYRON: Well, there's probably someone named "John" or "Michael" up there. (pause) Those are very common names.
BOB: Right. (pause) How long do these races usually last, Dr. Jacobs?
MYRON: Uh, they last for, um, some time. Until one of the blimps passes the finish line. Then the race would be over. Of course, then the other blimps would still have to pass the finish line. So if you don't consider the race to be over until all the blimps have passed the finish line, then the race would last some amount of time longer than if you thought about it the other way. (pause) It's up for debate, really.
BOB: That long, huh? (chuckling) I wonder what they do if they have to go to the bathroom up there, huh?
MYRON: Well, I would suppose they would urinate in their pants, Bob. That's generally what you do when you really have to urinate and you don't have access to a toilet. (pause) Actually, they might have a toilet up there in the blimp with them. I don't really know. If they did have a toilet, they would probably urinate in that. You know, rather than in their pants.
BOB: Uh-huh. Have you, uh, ever actually ridden in a blimp, Dr. Jacobs?
MYRON: No, Bob, the idea never really occurred to me.
Long pause.
BOB: Uh, here's something that our viewers might be wondering about, Dr. Jacobs: what exactly is the difference between a blimp, a dirigible and a zeppelin?
MYRON: Well, you see, a blimp is a type of airship. And a dirigible and a zeppelin, those are types of airships as well. (pause) They have different names. And possibly other differences as well.
Long pause.
BOB: The, uh, the Hindenburg, that was a zeppelin, right?
MYRON: I'm not familiar with what you're referring to.
BOB: The Hindenburg--it was a, uh, zeppelin. It crashed back in the 1930s. It's very famous.
MYRON: Was it in a race?
BOB: Uh, no, I don't believe so, no.
MYRON: Well, then I wouldn't know it. You see, I'm just an expert on blimp racing. Not on, you know, blimps in general.
BOB: Oh.
A long pause. Bob drums his fingers on the desk.
BOB: Yep. Zeppelin... (pause) Led Zeppelin, they're a good band. You like Led Zeppelin?
MYRON: I'm, uh, not familiar with them.
BOB: They were a very popular band in the '70s.
MYRON: I, uh, I don't believe so, no.
BOB: They had, uh, they had a lot of big hits. Like, uh, "Stairway to Heaven" and, uh...well, what kind of music do you listen to?
MYRON: I don't listen to music. I find that it distracts me from blimp racing.
BOB: Ah.
MYRON: I don't think you could make a zeppelin out of lead, anyway. Because lead's so heavy. I, uh, I don't think it could fly. (pause) I mean, I don't know, but that's what I think.
BOB: So what do they make these blimps out of, anyway?
MYRON: It's a, uh, material of some sort. Probably not lead. Like I said, I think lead would make it too heavy to fly. (pause) Maybe not, though.
BOB: Do the racers use different types of materials, to make their blimps go faster?
MYRON: Uh, quite possibly, yes.
Bob holds his hand up to his earpiece.
BOB: I'm getting word in now--that the race is over! Actually, it...seems to have ended some time ago. Dr. Jacobs, what can you tell us about the winner?
MYRON: Well, the winner would be the blimp that crossed the finish line before the other blimps. I think I explained this already.
BOB: Right. Uh, can you tell us which particular blimp that was?
MYRON: Well, it would be one of the blimps in the race, Bob. (pointing) We can see a number of blimps right now; if we can see it, then it's one of those. Now, if we can't see it, then it's not one of those. It's probably one of the ones we can see, though.
BOB: Well, congratulations to the pilots of that blimp on their victory.
MYRON: Yes, I'm sure they're very proud. It's quite an accomplishment in their field. The field of blimp racing. (pause) It might not be that big of an accomplishment, though. I don't really know.
BOB: What would you say was those pilots' winning strategy?
MYRON: Bob, those pilots won the race by managing to make their blimp go faster than the other blimps in the race.
BOB: Okay. (to camera) That concludes our blimp racing coverage for the day. But stay tuned to ESPN 12 for our coverage of the synchronized ice dancing championships, featuring noted ice dancing expert Dr. Myron Jacobs. For all of us here at ESPN 12, I'm Bob Parker. So long.
FADE TO BLACK.
posted by Danny Wind @ 2:05 AM
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