Single-Franchise All-Star Teams

Inspired by this post, I've put together All-Star teams for each of MLB's original sixteen franchises composed of players who spent their entire careers with the team. The lists are based mainly on Baseball-Reference's WAR, and, for the sake of simplicity, players are listed at the positions where they played the most career games. A couple of these players have moved on to new teams in 2011, but until the season actually starts, they still technically count.


YANKEES

C Bill Dickey
1B Lou Gehrig
2B Gil McDougald
3B Red Rolfe
SS Derek Jeter
LF Roy White
CF Mickey Mantle
RF Tommy Henrich
P Whitey Ford

RED SOX

C Jason Varitek
1B Kevin Youkilis
2B Bobby Doerr
3B Tim Naehring
SS Rico Petrocelli
LF Ted Williams
CF Dom DiMaggio
RF Olaf Henriksen
P Mel Parnell

ORIOLES/BROWNS

C Chris Hoiles
1B Guy Sturdy
2B Brian Roberts
3B Brooks Robinson
SS Cal Ripken
LF Nolan Reimold
CF Milt Byrnes
RF Nick Markakis
P Jim Palmer

TWINS/SENATORS

C Joe Mauer
1B Kent Hrbek
2B Ray Morgan
3B Ossie Bluege
SS Cecil Travis
LF Lew Ford
CF Kirby Puckett
RF Tony Oliva
P Walter Johnson

WHITE SOX

C Ron Karkovice
1B Deacon Jones
2B Gus Dundon
3B Lee Tannehill
SS Luke Appling
LF Guy Curtright
CF Johnny Mostil
RF Hank Steinbacher
P Ted Lyons

TIGERS

C Bill Freehan
1B Ron Cash
2B Charlie Gehringer
3B Brandon Inge
SS Alan Trammell
LF Bobby Higginson
CF Mickey Stanley
RF Al Kaline
P Tommy Bridges

INDIANS

C Harry Bemis
1B Luke Easter
2B Harry Hinchman
3B Al Rosen
SS Ray Chapman
LF Jack Graney
CF Grady Sizemore
RF Beau Allred
P Bob Feller

ATHLETICS

C Kurt Suzuki
1B Daric Barton
2B Mark Ellis
3B Eric Chavez
SS Cliff Pennington
LF Heinie Heitmuller
CF Harry Armbruster
RF Travis Buck
P Eddie Rommel

PHILLIES

C Carlos Ruiz
1B Ryan Howard
2B Chase Utley
3B Mike Schmidt
SS Jimmy Rollins
LF Tony Longmire
CF Fred Osborn
RF Buzz Arlett
P Cole Hamels

BRAVES

C Brian McCann
1B Ken Smith
2B Martin Prado
3B Chipper Jones
SS Billy Urbanski
LF Joe Connolly
CF Red Massey
RF Jason Heyward
P Rick Camp

REDS

C Johnny Bench
1B Joey Votto
2B Bid McPhee
3B Rafael Almeida
SS Barry Larkin
LF Fred Odwell
CF Bug Holliday
RF Jay Bruce
P Mario Soto

CARDINALS

C Yadier Molina
1B Stan Musial
2B Skip Schumaker
3B Whitey Kurowski
SS Brendan Ryan
LF Ray Blades
CF Terry Moore
RF Augie Bergamo
P Bob Gibson

CUBS

C Geovany Soto
1B Ernie Banks
2B Don Johnson
3B Stan Hack
SS Charlie Hollocher
LF Denver Grigsby
CF Bill Lange
RF Kosuke Fukudome
P Carlos Zambrano

PIRATES

C Ryan Doumit
1B Jim Nealon
2B Bill Mazeroski
3B Pie Traynor
SS Gene Alley
LF Willie Stargell
CF Andrew McCutchen
RF Roberto Clemente
P Sam Leever

GIANTS

C Harry Danning
1B Bill Terry
2B Robby Thompson
3B Jim Davenport
SS Travis Jackson
LF Jo-Jo Moore
CF Marvin Benard
RF Mel Ott
P Carl Hubbell

DODGERS

C Roy Campanella
1B Wes Parker
2B Jackie Robinson
3B Don LeJohn
SS Pee Wee Reese
LF George Shuba
CF Johnny Frederick
RF Carl Furillo
P Sandy Koufax

The "Many Stalins" Theory of Quantum Digital Imaging

Consider a computer monitor. Or the display on a cell phone or digital camera. Take the number of pixels in the display and raise it to the power of the number of discrete colors each pixel can show. That is the total number of distinct images the screen can display. It’s an incomprehensibly huge number, but it’s also finite. Every image that the screen can possibly show is included in that number, regardless of whether it’s ever existed or not. Anything you can imagine, no matter how beautiful or grotesque, is in that set. You having a threesome with Joseph Stalin and a mule? It’s in there. Just waiting for the right string of digital information to bring it to life.

But, of course, the overwhelming majority of those potential images will simply be random arrays of color, conveying no information at all. The percentage of those images that will be identifiable as real things is vanishingly tiny. Similar, perhaps, to the number of atoms that make up the human race in comparison to all the particles in the universe.  And that Stalin image will be one of them. But, when you think about it, you’ll realize that you having a threesome with Stalin and a mule won’t just be one of the images—it will be billions. Every possible position and grouping, all the possible backgrounds and accessories—they’re all in there. And then imagine that the image shows your first-grade teacher standing next to you, watching the proceedings with a look of mild disgust. And then replace her with your second-grade teacher. And then replace her, in succession, with all of the other seven billion people on Earth. And then with Harpo Marx. And every other dead person. And then do it all over again with all these people displaying not disgust, but barely-contained enthusiasm. And replace them with Batman as drawn by Neal Adams. And then Batman as drawn by Frank Miller. And then repeat it with Stalin wearing a blue propeller beanie. And then an orange one. As a minute’s thought will make clear, the number of potential Stalin-mule threeways that can be depicted will exceed the number of humans who have ever lived by incalculable orders of magnitude. And then what if it’s not a mule at all, but a draft horse? And sometimes the draft horse has a white spot on his head?

You can see where this is going. Anyone can imagine the number of visible variations to the Stalin scenario that maintain the overall theme spiraling off to infinity. But, as we’ve already shown, there aren’t an infinite number of images that the screen can display. We’re working with a tiny percentage of an already finite number. So as the number of Stalin threesomes proliferates towards infinity, it seems that they would fill up all the available image slots that aren’t taken by random color. And thus, logically speaking, the only recognizable image that a computer screen could show would be you having sex with Joseph Stalin and a farm animal. So, in light of these facts, Mr. Thompson, it hardly seems reasonable to blame me for Photoshopping that picture of you and emailing it to everyone in the office, since their computers could never really have shown anything else. It’s simple mathematics. ... Yes, I did think that might work. ... No, I didn’t know that about your grandmother and the gulags; that’s very interesting. So do I have time to clean out my desk, or… Okay. Well, you can just ship everything to—Ow. All right, guys, I’m leaving. There’s no need to—Ow.