The REAL Moon-Landing Conspiracy

Recently declassified documents have revealed the true conspiracy surrounding the Apollo 11 mission: the moon landing really happened, but it was actually a top-secret operation by the Witness Protection Program. Astronauts Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins were in actuality Chicago mobsters "Lefty" Delvecchio, "Buzzo" Aldrini, and "Mr. Smiles." After the three testified in federal court against ruthless crimelord Giacomo "Medium Jim" Toscanini, it was thought that Earth's moon would be the only place outside Toscanini's reach. The operation was deemed a failure after the Eagle lunar lander was destroyed by a car bomb on July 21, 1969.